William&Lili&Ryan™
Old School Ninja
Best of de Best
Just another phase of finding what I really need is what makes me bleed, like a new disease.
Posts: 181
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Post by William&Lili&Ryan™ on Aug 22, 2007 19:21:06 GMT -5
It appeared to Will that Gavin was struggling with words as well. Was it he that did it to him? Was it he that caused Gavin to be so unsure of what to say around him? Because, that was what Gavin did to him. At least, now that he was sure that he wasn't alone in the feelings. He wouldn't have been like this had there been no chance, but something in his mind clicked, or perhaps unclicked, and he was stumbling around like a fool on words. But, at least he wasn't the only one. It was obvious that Gavin was having trouble with it as well. Not in a bad way, that was certain. Will could just see how knew it was for him to not know what to say. Though, Will didn't mind that they didn't say anything, as long as the kissing filled that blank. And, thankfully, Gavin wasn't ashamed, or not obviously, to kiss him when he could think of nothing. But, Will hoped that wasn't the only time he would resort to kissing. But, he wasn't going to complain. Gavin was a good kisser. That could be a good or bad thing. There was the fact that he had a lot of experience, but it was also in Will's benefit. Bad kissers were just... weird to him. As Gavin pulled back, laughing slightly, Will only slightly realized the humor in the situation. But, then he remembered that Gavin must have been used to people, or girls, shorter than him. Gavin wasn't a short person, no not at all, just not as quite as tall as Will. Will hung his head, smiling nonetheless, his somewhat long brown hair hanging in his face. "Am I too tall?" he asked, looking up, or, down at the only slightly shorter boy. He pouted, not sure what to expect for an answer.
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Post by Gavin/Sid/Holden on Aug 22, 2007 19:38:59 GMT -5
"Taller than I'm used to." Gavin admitted, grinning at the little pout on Will's face. How could any person look that adorable just by pouting? "Can't say I've ever been with a girl who was taller than six feet." He gave a slight laugh. It was true, probably the tallest girl he had been with in his life was maybe five feet nine inches at the most. William on the other hand was several inches more than six feet. It was quite the change, really. It was about then that Gavin realized what William had realized a few minutes earlier. They were standing right in front of Starbucks, and were therefore very much in the public eye. In other words, it was possible that a whole crowd of people had just witnessed him kissing Will. Gavin had never really minded public displays of affection. He had even been known to be involved in some, quite often actually. Still, his realization of just how much in the open they were now made his stomache feel like it was tied in knots. Maybe he wasn't quite as okay with being with another guy as he thought, if his horror at possibly being seen was any indication.
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William&Lili&Ryan™
Old School Ninja
Best of de Best
Just another phase of finding what I really need is what makes me bleed, like a new disease.
Posts: 181
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Post by William&Lili&Ryan™ on Aug 22, 2007 20:54:16 GMT -5
Well, obviously he'd have to be taller than any person Gavin had been with. First of all, most the time girls were shorter than guys, especially a guy like Gavin. Not to mention that Gavin had never been with a guy, so there was no possibility that he could have ever been with a guy as tall, or taller than him. And, it helped that Will was really kind of oddly tall. Giraffe like, almost. Enormously skinny and more than 6 feet. Will didn't think he was attractive, never really had, but apparently some people had. A lot of them being girls. Of course, ones that didn't know about his sexual orientation. It was kind of odd to be turning girls down left and right, but by the time everyone figured out that he was gay, girls had just kind of given up on him anyway. Until he went to Shallow High. But instead of just saying no to them, he simply told them that he was gay. That turned most of them away pretty quickly. There were those odd few that were convinced that they could "change his mind". Hah, it wasn't like he chose it. Stupid girls. So, back to Gavin, Will really couldn't' see at all what everyone else, and obviously Gavin, saw in him. He'd never felt happy with the way he looked, but it was difficult to really do much about that. Well... except for the not eating part. Though, Gavin luckily noticed it, or so he thought. In fact, Gavin's expression was kind of unreadable at the moment. It looked slightly pained and slightly in discomfort. Will pulled his pout back in and looked at Gavin with a somewhat tilted head. "Umm, you OK?" He wasn't sure the reason for Gavin's quickly changed smile, and he was curious as to what it could be due to. Very curious.
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Post by Gavin/Sid/Holden on Aug 23, 2007 21:03:12 GMT -5
After a moment, Gavin realized that William had spoken and he looked at him. What had Will said? Oh. He'd asked if he was okay. "Um, yeah I'm good." Gavin said quickly, forcing a weak smile. He knew one thing, and that was that he couldn't tell Will what was wrong. That would just be mean, to tell him that he didn't want to be seen in public with him. Because that was just it, he didn't want to bee seen in public with Will. Well, he didn't care if he was seen in public with him obviously. He just cared if people saw him doing things like kissing William in public. Or even really touching him for that matter. He wrung his brain for an excuse, trying not to panic. Will was sure to notice something was wrong if he pan iced. "I just kinda wanna get out of here, ya know?" He said. "We could go somewhere else maybe? Back to my house? The park? Wherever you live? I don't care." He threw the park in there mostly for variety. He sort of hoped Will wouldn't decide that was where he wanted to go. Once again, because it was public.
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William&Lili&Ryan™
Old School Ninja
Best of de Best
Just another phase of finding what I really need is what makes me bleed, like a new disease.
Posts: 181
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Post by William&Lili&Ryan™ on Aug 23, 2007 21:24:46 GMT -5
Just because Will was often oblivious certainly did not mean that he was stupid. And it especially didn't mean that he was immune to people not meaning things. And, even in the short time that Will had known Gavin, Will could decipher his true smile from his fake, or forced ones. The forced smile on Gavin's face was so obvious that Will was surprised that he wasn't just frowning. Will had noticed that as soon as Gavin had looked around and seemed to realized where they were, was the point when he'd gone all jittery. It was blatantly obvious that he didn't particularly want to be seen with Will at the moment. And Will thought that he could really trust him. NO. Stupid Will. It wasn't Gavin's fault. It was so knew to him, Will just had to stop blaming the other boy. But, Will could definitely see that he didn't want to be in the middle of a public place with him. That would take some getting used to, but Will hoped that it wouldn't take too long. He wouldn't be able to stand that. But, as much as it was going to take Gavin used to being in public, it was going to take Will getting used to not being in public. So, Will stepped back from the other boy a little bit. "I get it. You don't want to be in public with me. I get it," he said again. He nodded a little overenthusiastically, though his eyes didn't show the same spirit.
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Post by Gavin/Sid/Holden on Aug 23, 2007 21:40:26 GMT -5
Gavin's forces smile faltered the moment Will spoke. He knew exactly why Gavin was so uncomfortable. Why did he have to be so obvious? And why was he so damn stupid? Stronger than his anger at himself and how transparent he was, however, was the gnawing feeling that immediately started up in his stomach. It took him a moment to realize what this feeling was. Guilt. He felt bad that he didn't want to be seen in public with Will. This feeling of guilt, he knew, was partially caused by the hurt he could see in Will's eyes, so thinly veiled by his enthusiastic energy. He wanted so badly to make that hurt disappear.
"No... Well... kinda. But its not because its you. It's just because... well I'm just not sure if I'm ready to have that out in the open... the fact that I'm like... with another guy." After he said that, it occurred to him that they had never completely clarified that they were together. It had been implied but they had never said for sure. He needed to make sure now. "I mean... if we even are together."
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William&Lili&Ryan™
Old School Ninja
Best of de Best
Just another phase of finding what I really need is what makes me bleed, like a new disease.
Posts: 181
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Post by William&Lili&Ryan™ on Aug 26, 2007 22:24:38 GMT -5
Even though Will could so strongly feel the hurt from the other boy's actions, he could see that Gavin was slightly hurt by it as well. Maybe not in the same way that Will was hurt, but still hurt. Will could tell that Gavin wasn't trying to inflict that pain that he was on Will, and Will understood. But, it was still hard for him to get used to, to be able to live with. It was as much a new thing for Will as it was for Gavin. Well, not completely, but in a lot of ways, it was. William guiltily could feel that certain wishing in the back of his mind that it could all just be easy for once. But, life was never easy, and that was a fact he was going to have to live with, and truly get. So, he nodded knowing full well that Gavin had a lot to learn as well.
Will had to bite his lip in thought about this. Were they together? He hoped so, and like any relationship, they would have a lot to work through. But, Will wanted it to work so bad. He was dubious that he'd ever wanted anything to work this badly. Will looked at their surroundings, before letting his eyes rest on Gavin. "I want to be," he said, his straying eyes now heading downward and settling on the sidewalk. "I really want to be. But, only if... if you want to be. And... if you think that maybe someday you wouldn't mind being seen with another guy." His eyes didn't come up again, because he was almost afraid of what Gavin was going to say. What if he wasn't ready to be anything yet? Well, there were always possibilities; as long as there was a 'yet'.
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Post by Gavin/Sid/Holden on Aug 27, 2007 21:29:37 GMT -5
Did he want to be? Did he really want to be? Gavin wasn't really sure. He knew he liked Will a lot. He knew that he liked him quite a bit more than he had ever liked someone else after knowing them for the same amount of time. Come to think of it, he probably like Will more than he had ever liked a girl he'd seen for any amount of time. Still though, was he ready to commit himself to a real relationship? He really didn't think he was, and that could mess things up, getting in a relationship he wasn't ready for. But if he said no, what if Will ended up with someone else? He certainly didn't want that. Now he just felt selfish. He couldn't convince himself he truly wanted Will but he also knew he didn't want anyone else to have him.
And what about Will's other question? Could he really get used to being with a guy enough that he wouldn't fear showing it to the world? He knew that if he chose to go with Will and eventually let it out int he open that he was with him, he would not only face problems with idiots who were against that out in the world, but in his own home as well. This was proving to be an extremely difficult decision. One glance at Will though and he knew the answer was sealed.
"Yeah. I do want to be. And... I do mind now... it's just so new. But someday... someday I think I'll be able to handle that." He hoped that these words were good enough for Will. They were just about the best he could offer.
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William&Lili&Ryan™
Old School Ninja
Best of de Best
Just another phase of finding what I really need is what makes me bleed, like a new disease.
Posts: 181
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Post by William&Lili&Ryan™ on Aug 27, 2007 21:46:38 GMT -5
Will couldn't help but be slightly downtrodden by the long pause Gavin took after he'd asked him the questions. He didn't know if it was that hard to answer them, but he didn't know the things that were traveling through Gavin's mind. Will had only wished that it would be an easy answer for him. Easy answers just made everything so much ... simpler. If Gavin just had a straight out yes or no for him, he'd be relieved in either sense. But now, he was waiting with baited breath as Gavin thought through this. He was obviously having a hard time of it, and that was making Will more and more nervous. Now he was very unsure as to if he wanted to hear the answer or not.
He continued to bite his lip as his russet eyes traveled upward again and studied Gavin's face for signs of an answer. Will didn't particularly like the look of it just yet, but perhaps he was just being paranoid. Gavin was looking away from him, obviously very engrossed in thought. Once again, Will wished more than anything that he could read minds. Silly, yes, but he tended to be that often.
Will nervously put his hands into his pockets and waited for Gavin's final answer. And, as it came, Will wasn't exactly sure what to feel. He was relieved, because it really was good. But, it didn't necessarily sound so confident. There was mainly truthfulness in Gavin's eyes, but also an uncertainty. But, it would have to do for now. Will just needed to be patient if he wanted it to work. Will smiled at him, a small, relieved smile. "OK," he said, as he nodded a little bit. It was the only thing he could muster in response to that. And, it made him sad. He kept the smile on his face and looked around quickly before looking back at Gavin. "Maybe...maybe we should go somewhere else," he suggested, just as Gavin had done so earlier.
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Post by Gavin/Sid/Holden on Aug 27, 2007 22:00:12 GMT -5
Gavin could tell Will wasn't exactly ecstatic about the answer he had provided. He knew that he hadn't sounded entirely sure about himself. He knew that his answer lacked confidence. The thing was though, even if he wasn't confident things would work out int he long run, he did know he wanted to at least try. He would hate himself if he allowed himself to pass up Will without even trying things out. He kept this to himself though. Somehow he wasn't sure Will would like this particular philosophy of Gavin's.
Gavin found himself thinking again as Will suggested they go elsewhere. That sounded like a good idea to him. Where though? His own place was out of the question. It was fine to just hang around there but Greg was bound to be around and he wasn't entirely sure he just wanted to hang around with Will at the moment. Not that he wanted to do a lot yet of course. He was still scared by the idea of doing anything more than kissing him. Kissing though he did enjoy and he wouldn't mind doing more of that.
"Okay. Where do you want to go though? I'd prefer not to go back to my house to tell you the truth." He decided not to mention why and simply left it at that. Will didn't really need to know how Gavin's step dad felt about people that liked the same sex as their own. At least not just yet. It would come up when it came up.
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William&Lili&Ryan™
Old School Ninja
Best of de Best
Just another phase of finding what I really need is what makes me bleed, like a new disease.
Posts: 181
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Post by William&Lili&Ryan™ on Aug 28, 2007 17:30:09 GMT -5
Will couldn't be sure the exact reason for Gavin's not wanting to go back to his house, but he wouldn't question it. Most likely, if Gavin hadn't told him the reason, he didn't want it to be known. So, Will wasn't going to pressure him or try to make him give the answer. Though he wasn't going to ask, there were still a few theories running through his mind. Some were bad, others, he just wasn't sure about. It seemed that perhaps Gavin was scared of being alone with him. He hadn't been earlier, but that was obviously because no feelings had been confessed then. But, maybe being alone wasn't the thing he was worried about. Maybe it was the fact that there was someone else that would mind them being together. That was kind of an in-depth thought for Will, but it was a possibility. He hadn't' remembered anyone at Gavin's house earlier, but there most likely was someone now.
And, even if they were alone, Will knew that Gavin definitely wouldn't be ready for anything more than kissing. Will, truthfully, wasn't either. Though, he would probably be ready far before Gavin was, simply because he'd never been with the opposite sex. It would be a very long time before Gavin would be ready for more. But, Will was almost definite that he could wait.
Will sighed thoughtfully and glanced at the brick wall that was near their right. "Well, there's my dorm," he suggested uncertainly. If Gavin didn't want to go back to his own home, Will doubted his dorm would be a likely place for him to want to go either. Will shrugged and thought through the other possibilities. Really, as long as it didn't have to do with food... and he could kiss Gavin every once and a while, he didn't really care. "And there's always the beach and the boardwalk. Oh, and the park.... and all the other places downtown." Will shrugged once more, his hands in his pockets. For some reason, his over exuberant energy was coming back. He was just happy that he could spend time with Gavin. Cliche, but the truth.
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Post by Gavin/Sid/Holden on Aug 28, 2007 18:21:02 GMT -5
Gavin was glad Will hadn't pressed him for information. He hated when people tried to force him to talk about things. It was just not something he enjoyed doing. He was the sort of person that liked to keep problems to himself, and while he might rarely speak up about them by himself, he could never stand to have someone prod him about anything. Perhaps Will just didn't want to know why Gavin didn't want to go home. Perhaps he sensed that Gavin just didn't want to talk about it. Either way, he felt extremely grateful to Will.
Will's suggestion posed a bit of a problem however. The dorm would be the best option. It meant they could be out of sight of other people, and it meant that, more importantly, they would be alone. But would choosing that option send the wrong message? He sincerely doubted that Will thought he was ready to do anything of the sexual sort. But what if he had misjudged him? What if by picking the dorm, Will came to a conclusion that would just result in a whole heap of awkwardness later. Sighing slightly, he decided to chance it.
"Maybe... your dorm?" He said. He bit his lip slightly, hoping very much that Will was as smart as Gavin had thought and that the boy wouldn't come to any hasty conclusions. He suspected Will was smart enough to know, but he couldn't help feeling anxious anyway.
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William&Lili&Ryan™
Old School Ninja
Best of de Best
Just another phase of finding what I really need is what makes me bleed, like a new disease.
Posts: 181
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Post by William&Lili&Ryan™ on Aug 28, 2007 18:39:27 GMT -5
Gavin's answer was most certainly not the answer he'd been expecting. In fact, he thought that it had been kind of stupid to throw in there. But, then he realized a logical explanation for it; Gavin didn't want to be seen with another guy. He'd known this already. He'd learned this just about five minutes previous, but he didn't take it into account. It would be the easiest place for them to be with no one around, no one to see them. But, did it also mean that Gavin wanted to be alone with him? Or, was it all due to the fact that he didn't want to be seen with him? Will was hoping greatly that it wasn't the latter. And, it was a possibility that Gavin really did want to be alone with him. Not to, do anything, per se, but just to be with him. That was at least how Will felt. He couldn't know what Gavin thought about it. But, even with all his dubiousness in Gavin's answer, he couldn't help but hold back the smile. Hopefulness was running through him now, hopefulness that Gavin truly did wasn't to be with him. And Will wasn't going to try anything. No, not at all. He wasn't stupid, and he himself wasn't ready. To push Gavin into doing anything would most likely just ruin everything between them. Ruining that, Will wouldn't be able to handle. "Alright," he said softly, but happily. "My roommate is never there anyway," he added without thinking. He cringed. Mentally, he wasn't sure if he should have said that. Maybe, Gavin hadn't wanted to be alone. But, that wouldn't make sense. Why else would he have wanted to go to his dorm? "But, yeah, it's this way," he hated hastily, turning just his body to face the opposite direction. "I think..." Well, at least confusion could distract him from Gavin's reaction to his little slip up.
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Post by Gavin/Sid/Holden on Aug 28, 2007 20:50:56 GMT -5
Gavin had to smile slightly when Will quickly changed the subject after mentioning that his roommate was never around. This led him to believe that Will did understand that he didn't want to rush into things, and that Will might be just as nervous as he was at the idea. Besides, his obvious embarrassment at letting the fact that they would be alone slip was just plain adorable. Gavin paused for a moment, then reached out and took Will's hand, holding him from speeding ahead like he seemed set on doing. "No need to freak... It's nice to know your roomie probably won't be there." He said quietly, before dropping Will's hand. He was surprised to feel unhappy about letting go. A large part of him would have liked to walk holding Will's hand. The trouble was that a larger part of him wasn't ready for that yet. Much as he may have wanted to keep holding his hand, he just couldn't do it. It was almost as if something was physically stopping him. He hated not being able to do what he wanted, and he hated even more being scared to do what he wanted. A frown formed on his face as he had to have yet another inner struggle over something that should have been as simple as reaching out and taking Will's hand. Why couldn't things just be as simple as they seemed?
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William&Lili&Ryan™
Old School Ninja
Best of de Best
Just another phase of finding what I really need is what makes me bleed, like a new disease.
Posts: 181
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Post by William&Lili&Ryan™ on Sept 2, 2007 22:12:28 GMT -5
His embarrassment about the situation,he now realized, was so obvious that he might as well just told Gavin that it had effected him so. Or, at least, doubted that there was anyone he could have made it any more obvious that he was afraid of what Gavin would say to it. But, at least he now knew that Gavin understood. Especially when he took Will's hand, even if it was for that short amount of time. Every time he did something like that, Will got tiny little chills. He was pretty sure it was just the rush of finally liking someone again, and having said person like him back; even if it was going to take some time for them to be how he had been with Jasper... if it ever got there. At least, Will didn't think it would end up the way it did with Jasper. Or, hoped. He couldn't be sure of what Gavin would do in the future, but he had hopes that things would be different. He didn't know what he would do if he was cheated on again. But, it would be unlikely that it happen again. Right? Of course. Will was saddened quite a bit as Gavin dropped his hand, where Will had liked it so much when they were intertwined. But, Gavin was still nowhere near ready for that, even. Will understood, he really did. But, he also blushed lightly at the fact that Gavin told him not to freak. He couldn't completely help it. Or, really help it at all. He just...freaked. Will bit his lip, and smiled at the other, now frowning boy, thankfully. He nodded and, slowly, this time, began to walk in the direction of where he was almost certain that his dorm lay. He looked at Gavin curiously, wondering why he had that frown upon his face, but wasn't going to be nosy and get into it. "I really do think it is this way," he commented thoughtfully, a second later.
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